Congress to Legalize Deadly Force for Traffic Stops


Congressional Republicans have proposed The Fair Policing Act, officially legalizing the use of deadly force by police in any traffic stop and setting expectations for citizen behavior after being pulled over. Republican leaders explain, “We are not supporting police violence. We are simply realigning our laws to be in sync with accepted police practices and existing court rulings.”

One Congressman, speaking anonymously, explained the intent of the legislation:

“We currently have a bramble of state and local laws and standards for police traffic stops, but because the Graham versus Conner makes lethal force legal if an officer ‘fears for his life’, lethal force is effectively legal.”

“What we are doing here is protecting both police and motorists by resolving the confusion. Many people falsely assume there is no reason they would be shot, beaten or killed at a traffic stop. That is simply not true. This legislation protects citizens by setting clear expectations, as it will protect municipalities from protests and lawsuits based on false expectations of the police.”

“The law will set rigid standards for the behavior of police and citizens at traffic stops. Police are to exit the vehicle with their weapons drawn and target the vehicle. Citizens are to slowly open their vehicle doors, keep their hands in view, slowly crawl onto the ground, and interlock their hands behind their heads. Failure to comply allows police to use lethal or non-lethal measures, as they see fit, to immediately secure the situation.”

“Driver’s education will be modified to train citizens how to exit their vehicle and safely assume the position. A small federal tax on traffic violations will be used for ad campaigns to teach other drivers and passengers the new standard”.

“I want to be very clear, the idea here is to teach people that it doesn’t matter if you are old, disabled, angry, confused, sick, pregnant, under the illusion you have civil rights at a traffic stop, or wounded by a previous encounter with the police – you get on the ground and assume the position, or you will be shot.”

“This law will save many lives.”

“The law also puts a very clear expectation on police to control the situation, with clear penalties for violating standards. If, when the people in the vehicle have exited and are on the ground, the police are still afraid or feel they cannot control the situation, it is at that point that they should fire tasers, release police dogs, empty their clips into the citizens, or handcuff and then beat them while saying ‘stop resisting’. We do not want more confusing physical conflicts. The police should resolve the situation immediately.”

The bill has garnered controversy, and strong resistance among Democratic politicians, although Nancy Pelosi has failed to issue a clear statement regarding the law.

Republican Senator Rand Paul has stated that although the bill is concerning for its impact on state’s rights, but that he is “all for reducing confusing regulations affecting our police officers”.

Attorney general Jess Sessions says he likes the intent of the bill, but he worries that the bill “discriminates against white people by setting the same harsh standards for white motorists as used for other motorists, which is simply not fair.”

President Trump praised the legislation as “Landmark. Tremendous. This will restore peace and freedom to American communities.”

As always, I must clarify that this is satire. Politicians are not making it officially legal to use deadly force at routine traffic stops, they just continue to be allow it to be effective legal.
Sean Sannity (Contributor)