Miscellanea

Most conservatives identity as “Republican”, but what does that even mean anymore?

When I was young, a “Republican” meant someone who was pro-military, anti-Russia, pro-business, and who wanted lower taxes and less government. Supporting racist, sexist, anti-immigrant, and anti-LGBTQ views was not uncommon in the party, but it was not a litmus test for Republican candidates.

There were more racist Republicans than Democrats, and Republicans were more anti-gay than Democrats, but neither issue was a litmus test. You didn’t need to be a racist to be a Republican. Sone of my extended family were “progressive Republicans” (yes, that term once existed) who agreed with conservative views on the economy and war, but were more liberal on social issues. Such people have since been forced out of the party.

Nixon was neither a good person nor a good President, but he opened relations with China, pushed for alternative energy, and fought for universal healthcare. Compared to modern Republicans, he was a socialist.

For three decades, the religious-right made Republicans the face of alleged “family values”. Then they helped a racist, sexist moron who objectifies and sexually assaults women take the White House, cheered him on, and continue to support him even as his failures and scandals rack up. It is no longer a party that represents any value besides pandering to the wealthy, pandering to racists, and pandering to Christian extremists.

One thing traditional Republicans were always good for was standing up for the ideas of democracy and capitalism. Now, Republicans - funded by neo-feudalists like the Kochs and the Mercers, pandering to neo-Nazi groups, likely colluding with Russia, and infected by evangelical Christians that want America to be effectively a Christian theocracy – have become a threat to democracy and a competitive free market.

I respect a person’s right to self-identify as “Republican” as much as any other identity, but maybe a word that has come have so many terrible connotations should not be used by outsiders. As black people can choose to use the N-word and gay men can use the word “fag”, maybe only conservatives should be able to call each other the R-word.

Beyond cultural sensitivity, there is a good reason not to use the R-word. It means too many things. It is misleading. It has become a smokescreen behind which people hide and justify their malice and hate. It would be better to describe “Republicans” each by what they actually are:

• Wealthy suburbanites willing to sell our country’s future for a tax cut
• Christian extremists trying to make this country into a Christian caliphate
• Racists, often hiding behind the term “alt-right”
• Neo-Nazis, often hiding behind the term “alt-right”
• Libertarians who don’t realize their ideology has been stolen by right-wing extremists
• People who have no political ethos besides whatever drivel is fed to them by Fox News
• Angry, undereducated, poor whites that want to blame immigrants instead of corrupt politicians and their own sense of entitlement for their plight
• Closeted gay men who need to hide behind the mantle of homophobia
• Despicable conservatives who will sell out anything else to protect their gun rights
• Despicable conservatives who will sell out anything else to attack women’s reproductive rights
• Internet trolls
• Russians – the other R-word that is a threat to democracy
• Kid Rock and Ted Nugent fans. (I know, weird, but both men still have some fans, for some reason. Don’t judge).
• Decent conservatives who need to wake up and start a conservative party not populated by religious nuts, racists, and billionaire apologists

Conservatives resent much of our Constitution. They seem to hate equality. They resent our system of checks and balances. They attack the free press, public education, and other pillars of democracy. They want to legislate Christianity and violate the separation of church and state. Conservatives like to talk about secession and fantasize about bringing back The Confederacy.

Let’s let them! We could organize Alabama and Mississippi into a large semi-autonomous conservative reservation. The new territory would be allowed to institute its own constitution, likely consisting largely of the Second Amendment. They would be able to ignore separation of church and state, freedom of speech, public education, voting rights, equality and non-discrimination legislation, due process, checks and balances, and the right to privacy.

We could allow them to remove all environmental regulations that do not impact neighboring states, and they could allow their children to frolic in as much industrial waste as they desire.

They could make the Confederate battle flag their national flag. They can add a swastika, if they want, to make their new state more appealing to the alt-right. We can send them every Confederate statue from the rest of the country, and they can build the world’s greatest monument to racism and backwards thinking.

They could form a Christian theocracy. They could make being a climate change denying, creationist, evangelical, anti-vaccine, gun owning, flat-Earther neo-Nazi a requirement for holding public office. They can ban science. They can take Fox News and Breitbart with them.

They could outlaw abortion, contraception, and sexual education while eliminating healthcare for poor families and all early childhood development programs, and then proclaim their nation officially “Pro-Life”! The could offset the population boom with massive programs of capital punishment and for-profit imprisonment.

They could keep each other safe by arming everyone over the age of ten with an AR-15 and proclaim that all shooting victims are to blame for their own deaths. They could make it illegal to even discuss school shootings.

Conservative Utopia! Missibama!

Alabama and Mississippi would be an ideal place for the conservative experiment, already being highly conservative and evangelical, while being weak in education and healthcare.

Obviously, we would have to clearly state that they did not have the right to legalize slavery, and any attempt to do so would result in sanctions or military action.

We would need to create programs to help conservatives relocate to the territory. More importantly we would need a program to assist in the escape and relocation of anyone in the two states who is not a white, Christian male.

We would need to build the border wall, not on the border with Mexico, but around Missibama. Without people of color, Jews, and Muslims to blame and victimize, they would eventually turn against first themselves, and eventually their neighbors. It would be critical to keep their violence and hatred contained and only offer asylum to individuals who had learned the value of a pluralistic and free democracy.

The change would be costly, but without conservatives trying to derail our politics constantly, we could focus and building our economy and infrastructure. It would pay for itself with the resulting economic growth in less than a decade. Plus, we would not have to constantly fight for basic liberty and equality. By giving them an area to govern as they please, the rest of the country could move on.

If Inglorious Bastards or Django Unchained were released today, there would be a wave of alt-right apologists complaining the films were offensive to Nazis and white supremacists. Fox News would echo them. Trump would join in on Twitter. Conservatives would start standing up for the poor mistreated Nazis.

When did these Nazis and slavers become anything other than something to fight and disdain? We fought wars to defeat each of them. We won. We were proud. We fought them because they were the enemies of freedom, and because they hurt and killed innocent people. Nothing has changed. Nazis and wannabe-Confederates should be opposed at every turn. It is not a liberal or conservative issue. It is not a fight between Nazis and the imagined alt-left. It is a conflict Nazis and everyone else.