Fox News Merges with Russia Today

Fox News Merges with Russia Today


With ratings falling, the loss of star anchors to sex scandals, advertiser boycotts, and even conservatives realizing the network is more than biased and less than news; Fox News made a surprising move by announcing its merger with Russia Today and rebranding as Fox News/RT.

A Fox insider explained, “We’ve been hurt by scandals and by being uncompromising apologists for the increasingly unpopular Trump administration. We looked for a cobranding or merger that would be popular with our base, but the best choices were not possible. It’s not like we can just come out and unite with Breitbart and The Daily Stormer officially without taking a hit.”

“When we looked for a news outlet that shared our values: conservatism, sexism, homophobia, racism, Islamophobia, pandering to business at any cost, and outright support of the Trump administration; it turned out that we were very compatible with Russia Today – even if we are a bit edgier than they are.”

“And let’s be honest, acting as Trump apologists in the face of blatant evidence of collusion between the administration and Russia, we are both already effectively part of the propaganda wing of the Russian government. The choice was more obvious than you think.”

“Look at the Seth Rich saturation. We picked up the story from extreme-right websites, which were fed by Russian propaganda. When the story was discredited and his family was demanding a retraction from Fox News, the story was revived by a Tweet from the Russian embassy. We work very well together.”

“Russia Today has done a stellar job of marketing itself as a valid alternative to the mainstream media. Like us, they have managed to make propaganda and outright lies seem to their base to be more honest than facts from reputable journalists. They are an inspiration to us, and we are proud to be working with them.”

“Also, you have to realize the crisis we are in. We are floundering, and internally in chaos. Let’s just say most of our biggest names came to Fox not only to say horrible things about women, but do horrible things to women. The blowback from O’Reilly is really cramping our style. We are at risk of losing our audience and our top personalities. Do you think Sean Hannity, as vacuous as he is, could make himself spew such inane bullshit every day just for fame and money without the opportunity to sexually harass women? Hardly.”

“But selling our western democracy to Russia, in order to get rich from shady Russian investments, that is something almost everyone at Fox can get behind, and it brings us the support of both the White House and the Kremlin. Shep Smith won’t get on board with it, but we only keep him around so there is some kooky host that liberals don’t completely hate.”

Beyond the rebranding, the changes in Fox are already showing. Fox and Friends has begun to make call outs not just to Trump, but Putin. To be more compatible with Russia Today, Fox is increasing its attacks on the GLBTQ community and running more articles undermining faith in our European allies. Our inside source says that next month, Fox will begin directly airing Russian propaganda to convince conservatives that Russia deserves to annex Ukraine.