Republicans Address the Rash of Police Violence Caught on Camera


Dashcam, bodycam, and cell phone video of excessive force and shootings by police are leading to increased anger and activism about police violence and lack of accountability. The recent acquittal of the officer that shot Philando Castile fanned the flames by highlighting that “reasonable fear” can excuse an officer from accountability even for an unnecessary killing.

In a shift from their frequent reaction of denying police culpability, major Republicans have come together to address the issue through staunch support for the Peace Officer Act introduced by Texas Senator Ted Cruz.

Cruz explains the bill, “More and more upsetting videos of violence and shootings by police are being released, leading to increased protests and anger, especially in the minority communities. This anger increases the likelihood of more violent incidents. The Peace Officer Act will reduce the anger and help restore confidence in our police, by making it illegal to release police or civilian video of violent incidents involving police, without Department of Justice approval”.

Senator Orrin Hatch praised the bill, “Our law officers have a tense and difficult job. They should not have to fear walking into a situation and being shot -- by a video camera -- and then having their careers ruined just because they kicked a handcuffed man on the ground in the head one or two times, or because they panicked and accidentally fired seven shots into a car with an innocent man, woman, and child inside”.

Despite the increased burden upon his department, Attorney General Jeff Sessions enthusiastically supports this bill, saying, “This will help restore order in our inner cities. I don’t recall a more important piece of legislation for our law officers.”

Regarding the use of cameras, Sessions explained, “Oh, we will keep the cameras. In some cases, the video exonerates the police officer of wrong doing. You know, we would want to release those. Also, in some communities, it just would not make sense for one of these violent incidents to occur. We would want to review those videos.” Asked what communities he was referring to, Sessions replied, “Well, I can’t speak to that.” Sessions also stated that with this new legislation to reduce the issues regarding police violence, it will no longer be necessary for the Department of Justice to continue police reform agreements from the Obama administration.

The bill also includes a five percent reduction in the capital gains tax, which Cruz explained, “These incidents generally occur in poor communities. Decreasing the capital gains tax will stimulate job growth and further reduce tensions in these communities.”

Speaker of the House Paul Ryan indicated that he expected the bill to pass quickly in the House of Representatives, once it clears the senate. Ryan noted that the Freedom Caucus may want to add to the bill, most notably a clause to standardize police on carrying submachine guns, hollow point bullets, and military grade anti-personnel grenades. He explained, “It is an innovate concept. If police shootings with no legal recourse occur because officers are afraid, what better solution is there than loading our officers up with military hardware? Who will be afraid when your partner can just frag the whole vehicle? And this would have the added benefit of increasing jobs for producers of military hardware.”

Democrats have vowed to speak against the bill at great length, before it eventually passes.

Disclaimer: this is satire. It says something disturbing about the state of our country that the things presented in the article don't sound ridiculous enough to make this obvious satire. It is, however, sadly true that Jeff Sessions is talking about eliminating "unnecessary" police reforms from the Obama administration. Also, in my opinion, Ted Cruz's responses to Black Lives Matter are despicable, and Paul Ryan is often a spineless sycophant that stands up for the worst ideas that are drop our of the bowels of the Republican party.
Sean Sannity (Contributor)